10.26.2006

No face in the mirror

Running through a house. No face to be seen. I don’t know if I am just not here or if I just have but no reflection. Am I but a lifeless creature? What is this life I was given? Is this what is to come? Is this how others see me, lifeless, hidden and a faceless child, unaware of where she trod. Maybe this is trying to teach her something. She isn’t really sure. Mirror after mirror she sees nothing just a reflection of what is behind her. She isn’t here. You can’t see her nor can she see herself. Is it she or I that we are talking about? Am I she? Is this possible that I may write of a girl that so seeks to find herself but she is so hidden that she cannot find her anywhere. It’s like running around looking in windows and instead of seeing yourself in the reflection you see nothing, only what is on the other side of the window itself. I don’t understand this. Who Am I? Who is she? I can’t place these thoughts and where I am going. Maybe I am in fact this girl that I speak of, the girl that seeks nothing but herself. Running about trying to find myself. I am lost in this vortex of what I am. Phone ringing in my head. Voices scattered through my thoughts. Unsure of what they are saying to me. I can’t decipher this multitude of voices and noises that have corrupted my once sound train of thought. Where have I gone? Maybe the train that I have ridden through life has been derailed and is off in a world that no one knows of. Have I but discovered something new? I know not. Everyday I sit and I wonder when I will find myself. It seems as though there are people out there that know who I am. Will they share the insight? I want to know who I am. I look around at everything that is my life, trying to find me. I want to find even the smallest residual of what I ones was. I am afraid of who I am now. Not because it’s bad but because I don’t know who I am. She hands me a mirror and I can only see who I ones was, that isn’t me anymore. Who am I now?

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