Well then I guess this is it. I thought there was more to us then that but I guess I was wrong. My heart is confused and wrapped around your words. My heart is suffocating by the words you have written. I loved you. I still do love you. I can’t breathe. I am not staring at you, trying to figure you out, I am staring at you because I want to know what you are feeling. I want to know what it is that I have done wrong. Have I hurt you? Did I break you like you broke me. This girl, you said you had a girlfriend. Does she treat you like you deserve to be treated. Does she love you and know your secrets. Can you call her at midnight and talk until 2 telling her everything about your day and knowing that she cares. Can you trust her with all your secrets about you mom and how you feel about your friends. Do you know that no matter what happens she is going to be there to listen to you? I didn’t think so. She isn’t what you need. I am. I dropped everything to talk to you the night that everything with Alyssa fell apart. I stayed awake on nights that I thought I was gonna pass out because you needed to talk. I am the one you told all your secrets with. Maybe that scared you. It is because I am all you need that you ran to somoene else. The reason that you broke my heart and left me to bleed. Why can’t you just see that I was the best friend you were ever going to have and you threw that away because you were stupid and selfish. What is wrong with you? Why did you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this from you? Why can’t I be all you need? Is it because your friends wouldn’t accept our relationship or what? I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want you to walk into MY church and break my heart with you faze. I want you to go as far away from me as you can. I don’t want you anymore. I can’t want you anymore. I can’t bear to be near you. I just don’t know what I’ll do. I want to look into your eyes and see what I used to see. I want you to want me again. This is so hard for me. You say you are dating some girl. Some skanky whorish bitch I’ll assumer. With the way you treat females that’s all you could get. You’re a fucker and you don’t deserve anyone. You deserved me, but I was too good for you. You ran away from the best thing that has ever happened to you. You’ll see that at one point. I’ll get a boyfriend and you’ll see how great I am to them and you’ll see that, that is the way you wanted to be treated. You’ll see what you’re missing out on. You’ll suffer through this. All I wanted was you. I wanted you back with me. But you took advantage of the nice, naïve and beautiful. I wish I could just press a button on my heart to stop it from loving you. I don’t know how to love you nymore. I can’t ever have you in my life anymore. I don’t want you to come over. I don’t want you to be my brothers friend. I just don’t want you anymore. I love you and need you and want you in my life but I can’t have you. It’s too hard to see you and not want you. But I can’t do what you want me to. I can’t forget the best and worst moments of my life. Of my summer. This summer was seriously the most confusing time ever. It was also the most enjoyable. Almost, all thanks to you. I have cried more over you then over anyone else. You’ve done it. You’ve taught me why not to love. This week I have turned off my emotions and though there are tears welling up in my eyes no one else knows they are there. They will not fall upon my cheek but instead just block me from seeing the truth and love in the world. To me, now all of it is fake. No one can truly love. There is always hate, always confusion, always betrayal. You did this for me. You taught me the truth. So thank you I guess. Thank you for ruining love for me. You’ve done your dead. Now be gone with you…
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