I've been through a lot in my life and I think a small part of my mom knew that I needed a pet when I was little. I've always had anxiety, I've never handled change or stress well but having pets balanced me. In the times that my depression and anxiety was the worst I thrived on knowing that something else's life relied on me being there to take care of it. It might sound slightly twisted to those that have never suffered from mental health issues but it's a real thing. In so many ways my pets growing up saved me from myself and I can't really imagine who or where I would be now had my mom not made sure they were always around.
With that, when I do crash or find the dark spots of my life it is my pets that suffer because on the days I don't have the energy to get out of bed they don't get the love and attention that they need. I'm not blind in thinking this doesn't happen. I can feel it happening.
When my ex and I brought Milo home I was hurt. Like physically. I had gotten into a bad car accident the night before we drove to Medford to pick him up and my body was out of whack, my head wasn't processing properly. I was a mess. Then we got Milo and my heart melted. We spent those first couple weeks with me at home, or at my parents house, snuggling with him as I healed. When I was hurting or upset he'd snuggle closer. He still does this.
Then we got the wild child. My Kida is a firecracker. She frustrates me more than I think any animal could. She also brings me some of the most joy. I had to laugh at her the other day cause I was upset and just in a funk and so I crawled into their playpen and curled up on their bed with Milo. Kida was minding her own business playing with her toys when she realized I was crying and she started bringing me all her favorite toys and proceeded to curl up at my feet.
My pupsters aren't my world because they need me to take care of them. In so many ways they are my world because I need them to take care of me.
Sitting here on my bed, Milo snuggled in between my legs and Kida asleep on my feet, I can feel them both snoring peacefully. They were throwing up this morning from consuming chocolate and all I could think my whole drive back was how I don't know how I would handle being in Illinois if something happened to one of them. Because I love them more than 98% of the people I know.
We didn't get dogs because I wanted to. We got dogs because my ex wanted to. I think in actuality the universe knew that I needed them as much and more than they needed me. They're my kids and my center. On nights like tonight they will snuggle into bed with me and I'll wake up to Kida licking my toes when she decides it's time to wake up after Milo has already stolen the pillow that he's sharing with me. Some might think this is annoying but I wouldn't have it any other way.
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