Under the Blood Moon I gain perspective

The last couple weeks have been one of those magical mystical weeks that we're told will happen when things "turn around" and things "get better." I used to believe that those were just things that our parents/elders/friends told us because they wanted us to quit bitching about how the metaphorical shit kept hitting the fan. I wasn't kidding when I last wrote that I was drowning in plain view. It's weird to think that whole month of March was just some weird blur that happened and I just hoped that somehow my feet would find their way back to the ground. 

Granted I had a wonderful week back home with my family where I was, once again, provided perspective and grounding. My best friend shook me a few times and told me to cut it out, then cuddled with me and poured us another glass of wine. That's what real friends are for right. Smack you to snap you out of your fuck and then hand you another glass to get over the shock? That's what I like to think anyway. 

I kinda felt like maybe I had pulled out of it. 

Then a month ago today my world was rattled. One of my best friends was in a horrible accident. It was actually a month ago today, March 15th. I could not be MORE grateful that we had a friends night planned that night. I found out, had to tell my girls, got to be with two of my best friends while we feared that our dear friend wouldn't make it through the night. We cried, we drank [A LOT], we all stayed the night together, snuggling close to those that we loved. We all kind of broke down together. 

I know that the universe does everything for a reason and I like to think that if Laur had to have that accident that the universe waited until I was back in Portland. That sounds twisted in so many ways but I don't know if I would have been able to deal with it had I been in Illinois, away from my friends, my chosen family, my best friend that weeks can go by and then we talk and the planets realign and everything is fine. If I wouldn't have been near her I don't know how I would have put myself in place. I was terrified and rattled to my core. 

Two days later my brother had major surgery and we got word that another friend had committed suicide. 

What the fuck! That was all I could think while I sat at my desk in small town Illinois, thousands of miles away from everyone I loved and everyone that I wanted to curl up with and cry. That said I didn't cry. I dealt with it. [Let's all comment on my healthy life choices of stuffing emotions instead of dealing with them]. 

It's bazaar thinking of how much I've grown in this month and how much has change. Laur is doing exceptional (all things considered), my brother is rocking it out with his straight back, my heart is healing from the loss of a friend.

Then great things started to happen.

I got the opportunities professionally that I wanted. I am being given the opportunity to take on something within my field that I have strived for. I met someone wonderful. 

If you would have asked me a month ago where I would be today I would have told you I would be in shambles, praying for summer when I could again crawl into my family and hide from my circumstances. That's not where I am though. I'm so ready to take on wonderful things. Don't think for a second that I am jumping in with two feet first, but I am jumping. 

My best friend in her infinite words of wisdom told me, "You will never know til you try! Sometimes the unexpected things are the most amazing and just what you need when you don't know it." She couldn't be more right. When everything seemed to be falling apart maybe my life was just leveling things down to the foundation so that I can build again. I am not who I used to be. I don't really know who I am, what I'm doing or where I'm going right now. What I do know it that life is full of adventures and it's about time I get on board and live mine.