Dear Illinois

Dear Illinois, 

I've learned so far that you are used to keeping your own. People are from here, or near here, and there aren't a lot of "my kind" (west coasters) around here. I know that I am not of the likes of these mid-westerners but it would be splendid if you would explain yourself to me. You were ungodlyishly hot and humid for a while and I would go outside at 11 at night and it was still hot as hell. So now, two nights later, the nights are already getting cooler and it's not as humid. The days have been beautiful, don't get me wrong, I am WAY digging them. I wouldn't mind there being some consistency though. Why does it go from 70 to 20% humidity?! What is this? I mean come on Illinois, what is this?  I enjoy my temperate weather where nothing is extreme. I know that you are going to provide a few HORRIBLE months ahead of me, filled with snow and freezing cold and I will likely bitch about those too. You should work on that.

Second qualm.... Corn. REALLY?! You need to have MILES and MILES of this stuff? I have never seen this much randomly open space filled with the same thing EVER and I've been through Eastern Oregon. Granted Eastern Oregon has hills so you can't see as far but REALLY what is this? I mean, I enjoy a good ear of corn every now and then. But I am pretty sure that these are all the scary corn. The GMO filled, hazmat to harvest corn. I feel like the corn could attack me back and then I am going to be eaten alive by the creepy Genetically modified corn.

Then there are the bugs. Okay, have you ever seen a Cicada?! I mean REALLY looked at one? Those things are huge and nasty and my dogs have a fascination with them (well Milo does, Kida is terrified of them) and the second he touches it with his nose it makes the worst noise I have EVER heard. Those are another thing that I am anticipating eating me one day. I swear if I ever find one in my apartment I will scream and hide in the shower with a broom and some other kind of weapon. Then there are the mosquitos. Maybe those are genetically modified too.... They have been eating me alive...ugh!

So here's the moral of this story Illinois. I would love if you could do without the whole bug thing and have less scary corn. Also, supplying some consistency in the weather would be cool. I'm trying to work this whole Illinois thing out but you're just not helping me out.

Sincerely,
A very confused west coaster