The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Sometimes I have my days that it seems as though nothing really matters. My emotions are something small and insignificant. I just don’t understand how it is that I am just a girl that has no feelings according to those of the male persuasion that surround me in my everyday life. There are days that I wake up and stare into what seems to be nothingness and just fear moving out of my bed into the world that seems to eat my joy. Everyday there seems to be something that muddles my mood. The green in the grass and the red in the roses don’t seem nearly as bright without a simple love. Love is such a powerful influence in people’s lives yet it seems as though it eats away at people’s complete inner being…Isn’t it true that who you are is defined by the trials you have had to concur in your life? Well then I am defined by a lot of Crap.

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Today I have been thankful for few moments. I am thankful for Anna and that I am so blessed as to have her in my life. I am thankful for morning snuggles and chicken noodle soup. I am thankful for movies that calm my thoughts and songs that make me think. Things like cold pizza, breathe, showers and Tiki brought me joy. Bratty kids, silly coworkers, cute boys and grateful bosses make me feel important. But most importantly it is the rain; thermal sweatshirts and dancing that allow me to feel the beauty of nature.

A day like today is filled with pain as are many days in this passed week. Confusion, hurt, misery and pure agony remind me why friends are so important. Dumb things like boys and disappointment fill my life with grief and despair. The frustration of distance wretches at my heart as I realize maybe it’s just not worth it.