Hmmm so it's kinda interesting today. I want to turn and just cry because I feel like people are picking away at my brain. My mother is all up in my business. She started questioning my best friends motives. I don't get that. Without my beautiful lady I wouldn't be here. Seriously there are like 2 girls that are just the rock I've stood on, one is my Rose and the other is my Daisy. My Daisy may be much older then me but that has never seemed to bother her before but suddenly it's like "So she drinks right? Do you two drink together? Does she try to get you to drink?" What the hell. No she's my best friend, my older sister, my firm foundation, and the only person that i can share EVERYTHING with. I can tell her anything from the newest girl that caught my eye, to the boy that's broken my heart, yet she's still the person I can just play in the park with. I don't ever have people that I can play hard with and talk limitless with. i mean I can tell my Rose most things but there are just some things that I know would make her uncomfortable. I couldn't tell her about the old days. I've told her some things but that's not everything. I've told Daisy EVERYTHING. As soon as I can I want to tell Daisy. Why is it that suddenly everyone is questioning our relationship. It's like worse then someone questioning my boyfriends love for me, it's someone saying they don't know why we wanna hang out becuase of the 5 year age difference. What the hell. I just don't get it. She's like my sister. If we were related by blood they wouldn't be challenging us being together. Whatever, people are really dumb and they don't control who I love and who I choose to spend my time with.
New thing. So though I've been really upset lately because my life's been shot to hell, I feel as though things are looking up. I think the fact that I'm really busy is helping. When I'm busy it gives me less time to think. The other night, I hope you know, I didn't carry through with anything in that blog...in either of them. I just needed a way to say that i was upset and that it's what I wanted to do. It's what I felt I needed but I didn't. I'm stronger then that. As I looked at myself in the mirror today I realized you can read me really well. If you were to look at me you would think that i am a women with a newborn baby at home who's boyfriend just left her. You're wondering why I say this. Well my eyes are really puffy because of how much crying I have done(leaving boyfriend), but I also have the bags under my eyes and the hollowness of all my emotions from lack of sleep(newborn baby). I just look dead to the entire world. I tried to cover it up today with make-up and it looked worse. I feel like I'm an abused child that's hiding behind her henious facade in order to hide the bruises that have been caused. All these bruises and gashes in my soul are from so many people I don't even know who to blame anymore. "the first cut is the deepest. I'd have given you all that I got, but someone came and torn it apart. I'd have given you all that I am, so I'll just try to love again, try..." There we go. Can I send that song to my Alkboy? I've realized that everyone has a code name in my life. I have my Rose, Daisy and Alkboy. Those are the three main that I hide behind. I just love them so much that I don't know what to do without them. I will, I'll just try to love again, you convinced me Rose, you convinced me....
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