Unexpected suprise

Wow...this morning has just been one of those. Old memories are back in my head and won’t go away. It’s weird. This morning I woke up to a buzzing coming from my phone. I got to pick it up expecting it to be my mother, or Hannah, or someone other then who it was. It was Seth. I was so surprised. Pleasantly surprise but surprised none the less. I just sort of laid there for a while. It reminded me of the days when he would call and wake me up in the morning just so he’d be the first voice I heard. The days where we could lay in his living room and just talk. The days that he would hold me and I knew that nothing was going to happen to me. It hit me in a weird way. I miss him. How he wasn’t really in my life again and that I have been striving to get him back in my life. I talked to Susie for like 15 minutes the other day. It was nice. We talked about the memory of sharing Christmas together and when I helped decorate their house and put up their tree. It was really cool. I miss that. I had almost forgotten about the days I would go over when no one was there just to get hot chocolate. I lived there. They were my family as well. It’s been almost two years since we broke up. It sucks to think of that. It sucks to think that we used to be so close and now we aren’t close at all. I wonder if he would be down to being my friend again. I just miss being able to talk to him. We could talk for hours. It was ridiculous how long we could talk about nothing and everything all at once. We kissed the first time under the fireworks at old fashion festival. OFF hasn’t been the same since. It’s like being there something is wrong. Something has changed. I wish I could put my figure on what exactly was wrong. I just don’t know. Maybe it’s that things are SO different now then they used to me. It used to be that we would sit and play and swim and everything was amazing...but now things aren’t that way. I wish I could see that kid. See who I used to be. I wonder if he could be the one that fills in the void. Tell me how I used to be and how he thinks I should be now. I want to talk to him now. My Elmo, my piano man, my first love...

I went on a shopping spree with my grandmother today...it was her birthday present to me. I didn't get normal things. I got 3 boxes of candy canes, a "sparkle" thomas kinkade puzzle, a new coffee mug, a pickle x-mas tree ornament, the new killers cd and the new evanescence cd....it made me happy. I just really enjoyed shopping at target with my grami. She is REALLY cool...My mommy also took me out to dinner. It was REALLY good. We went to Gustavs. That is possibly one of my favorite places for food and i got a free apple strudel because it was by fucking birthday. HA!!! Today was one of the greatest ever.

I miss former lovers....and former friends